EPISODE ELEVEN
I felt weak, all over my body.
I groaned in pain and opened my eyes.
I stared at nothing.
I wondered where I was.
"Good morning beauty" I heard a voice.
It was Dare.
My heart started beating fast.
I suddenly remembered everything.
I wasn't dead!
I had survived but what about my baby?
I quickly touched my stomach.
I bursted into painful tears.
I knew I had lost it.
"Why are you crying love?" I heard Dare.
I hated him.
I hated the very sound of his voice.
How could I stand him?
After what he did to me...
I frowned at him with pain.
"You poisioned me..." I muttered in disbelief as far tears poured out of my eyes.
I realized we were in his room.
I was lieing on his bed and he had made breakfast. He placed the tray beside me. Bread, tea and fried egg. I was repulsed at the sight of the food.
How could I trust anyone ever again?
He leaned closer to me and touched my face.
I wanted to hit his hand away but I was too tired to do anything. I just lied there staring at him with tears.
He smiled at me.
"I loved you, that's why I did what I did" he muttered.
I stared at him with disbelief.
"You killed your child" I told him in tears.
He sighed.
"I didn't want it" he shrugged.
I bursted into tears again.
How on Earth did I fall in love with such a person?
"I told you countless times that I didn't want a child... You made me do it..." He shrugged.
"You never loved me" I shook my head in pain.
"Love? Did you think I would take care of the child or marry you? Yes I loved you!" He laughed.
He got up.
"But you broke my trust! You lied to me!" He shouted me.
He walked away from me with anger on his face.
"I want you out of here before night falls..." His back was turned to me.
I couldn't believe I was hearing him well.
I couldn't even move.
I didn't know what to say.
I just couldn't believe it.
"I don't love you anymore. I can't go on... I am done" he said and turned out without looking back.
I found myself laughing and crying all together.
Just like that?
I couldn't believe he just broke up with me.
Did he just break up with me?
Like, after these years, after all I have done for him, like...
I lied there, staring at nothing.
Nothing.
It was all meaningless.
Life was meaningless.
You live all your life for something and then it's suddenly gone.
I lied on my side and covered myself.
It was meaningless, everything... Right from the beginning.
I just wanted to rest
EPISODE TWELVE
I lost everything
I walked down the grass path leading to my class. It was sunny and cool. The birds were singing and I remembered a song from childhood.
I hummed as I walked, one step after the other.
One, two, three
I expected to hear the usual cat calls, the whistles, the friendly waves, the guys gaze on me but...
There was nothing.
I was... Alone.
All alone....
I entered my class and people started whispering.
I look down as I walked to a seat. I wore a hooded sweatshirt so no one could really see me.
I was the talk of the school.
No one wanted me anymore.
Everyone hated me.
I became the girl no one wanted to be like, I was once the girl others wanted to be like. Many girls used to want to be close to me.
They would tell me they wanted to be like me.
I recognize one of them. She looks away from me, pretending not to see me.
I walked to her and sat beside her. She moved away after a quick Hi.
"Do you want to be like me now?" I asked her.
She looked away, pretending not to hear.
"Hey! Look here!" I dragged her face back.
"Do you want to be like me now!" I screamed at her. I got up and started screaming at her.
Her friends started screaming.
Some guys ran over and grabbed me. I tried to free myself but I couldn't.
I looked at the girl who was crying now.
"You wanted to be me before right! This is the end of me! You will surely end up like me!"
"Like me! This is the end of the food chain! It all ends here! Keep aspiring! This is the end!"
I kept screaming as they dragged me out and threw me out of the class.
I laughed all alone and opened my bag.
I brought out the alcohol and drank as I walked away, singing to myself.
I drank as much as I wanted, it was the end.
I think I can hear my name.
Maybe it's the angels calling me or the demons since I am a sinner.
I am dying. I started crying.
"Gloria!!!" It went on.
I fell.
It was the end.
I just want to rest.
I looked at the sky above me.
It was blue but turning black. I was going to die.
"Gloria!" It was so sharp.
I realised it wasn't the angels. It sounded humanly gorgeous but it was too late.
"Stay with me!" His voice was too late.
It finally went dark.
****
"You are awake?" He asked from the other side of the room. He was relaxed on a chair and staring at me with his chin on his palm.
I looked round. It was an hospital.
"I am dead" I didn't know when I said that but his laughter caught me.
He was laughing at me.
He got up and walked towards me with a smile.
He stared down at me.
I stared back at him.
I took in deep breaths. My saviour. He smiled at me. I couldn't believe he would be the one to save me.
"It was you" I muttered in disbelief.
He smiled like the strangest person in the world. And he's so strange because he stands alone. He's always on the opposite.
Everyone are away from me but he's here with me.
How could a man be so strange.
"Richard" he called his name and smiled.
I had forgotten his name though but it was glad to know.
He saved me.
"Thank you" I said and that was all he got.
I left the hospital without paying or whatever. I didn't have money though and I didn't even have a place to stay. I wasn't with Cassidy anymore.
I couldn't stop crying.
Though they hurt me, nevertheless, I missed them all.
I hated them but I loved those times we had.
I missed the partying.
I was dying to have fun.
Drink, smoke, dance.
"Where do you stay?" He asked.
I didn't answer him. I was busy enjoying my fantasies.
Probably he knew with the size of my bag.
"You can stay with a friend of mine... For now" he said
I acted proud.
I walked away "Don't bother" I told him.
He followed me.
"Please... I would feel better" he told me.
I looked at him and I was glad he begged me.
"Okay" I said.
EPISODE THIRTEEN
I had a tough time re-adjusting.
With time, everyone forgot about me.
I stopped existing.
It was easy because I became unknown. Very different from who I was.
I became myself.
I don't know what that means but it was terrible.
No friends, no fame, no attention, no fun.
I didn't have money to go to big bars or wear nice clothes or buy drugs.
I just sticked to alcohol and that's when there's a general party.
I lost everything but I had only one thing which I didn't even want.
Richard.
He never left my side and he kept trying to sell me this life which he makes so great.
I hate christains. They act like they are perfect and so boring. You have to keep living a particular way and serving something all your life. You couldn't do anything against his will.
I didn't want that type of life or whatever.
It was no fun, just sadness.
Though, Richard was so kind to me but I wanted him to leave.
"Just this once" he started again.
I was angry but the only thing which held me back was his kindness to me.
"I told you already" I told him.
I liked him but he always pissed me off.
I didn't want to be involved in any religious thing to put me in bondage.
He didn't repeat it and I walked away.
****
I couldn't sit still.
I wanted revenge.
I still see Cassidy, in her flashy clothes, her car, and with my ex-boy friend.
I hated her with all my heart.
I didn't want her to go Scot free.
I expected to see her face to face and I was glad I finally got the opportunity.
She was passing in front of my class and we bumped into each other.
She eyed me with disgust.
I couldn't believe it. This was my one time best friend.
She looked at me from head to toe.
"What a disgrace" she hissed and walked out.
But sorry, I didn't let her leave.
I dragged her back. She almost fell on the grass.
I wished to beat her or better still kill her but I didn't want it to be so fast.
I wasn't yet done.
"You! You are coming down! Right where you put me! Bitch!" I told her and threw her down to emphasize my words.
Her friends ran over to help her while I walked away. All eyes were on me once again and I don't know why. I loved it. I was enjoying it.
I was smiling as I walked away.
Richard came over to my new house where I lived with his friend. As I saw him, i flew at him.
I was happy to tell him but as usual. He was being strange.
I hissed and moved away from him.
"You have to forget about them Gloria. Move on with your life" he told me.
I didn't want to overlook what they did to me. I wanted to take revenge and in the best way possible.
I knew my plans already.
I didn't wait at all.
I started taking steps.
I was going to do it all alone.
I took on my old self but to do that, I needed money and to get money, I needed a man.
I dressed up in my old clothes, the ones I still had. I wore my wig, I made myself up and I got my location.
And I started fishing for my prey.
Trust me, I got him.
He wasn't so handsome but he was rich and had the swags.
I followed him to the bar. I didn't need to do anything, I just stayed beside him as I ordered my drink.
"Hi pretty"
I turned to him and smiled.
"Hello" I said
And like that, I got what I wanted.
He was a nice man and he took care of me.
I was on top again.
I had the friends again, the looks, the cheers.
And I loved the look on Cassidy's face.
I was enjoying myself.
As usual, Richard came in the picture.
"Can you just be... Happy for me?" I asked him.
I was tired of his criticisms.
He looked at me
"I don't want to sound evil but I won't stop telling you the right thing either" he replied.
I rolled my eyes.
"Why don't you leave me then? Just... Leave me alone!" I shouted in annoyance.
I didn't expect him to leave but to my surprise, he turned and walked away.
I stood there, watching him leave. I didn't know if I should call him back but I was glad there was no one to trouble me anymore.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Paul was a nice guy and I started liking him for real. He was different from Dare.
He took me out, spent on me and showered me love.
I was happy I had found the real thing.
I was back to my old life.
We party, drink, smoke and men being men, I had to satisfy Paul in other ways too.
I was enjoying myself but surprisingly, I felt guilty.
Richard.
He had been there for me when I needed him and I just pushed him away like that.
I didn't like the way he criticised all I did but I kept feeling drawn to him.
Even though I tried to push it out of my mind, I still felt indebted to him.
I had to pay him back so I could be free.
I started looking for him.
I found him in the library and I went over to him.
"Hello?" I called.
He looked up and when he saw me, he looked surprised.
He looked away from me and continued writing.
I sat down.
He didn't say a word to me. I didn't know what to say either but I knew I had to apologise to him.
"I am so sorry" I muttered
He didn't answer me.
"I... you've always been good to me, even though I don't know why..."
He still didn't look at me. He kept writing whatever.
"I don't know why I am here... I still don't want you poke nosing into my life but..."
"I want you to forgive me" I begged him.
"Please" I added.
He stopped writing and looked at me.
"I've never been angry at you. You owe me no apologies" he told me.
I didn't know what to say after that.
"We are good" he added and turned away.
"Oh... Yes, thanks" I replied akwardly.
He didn't talk to me again.
I didn't know what to say after that or do.
"Okay" I got up.
I didn't feel like leaving but there was nothing to do again.
"Okay, bye" I said and turned.
"Gloria" he called.
I turned. I was glad he called me back.
He sighed and dropped his pen.
"My Dad died" he said.
I didn't know what to say. I felt so sad for him. He didn't look sad but I knew he was.
"I shouldn't bother you but..." He was saying but I cut him off by hugging him.
He was there for me. The only thing I could do was to be there for him too. Even if it was just this once...
Maybe I could pay him back this way...
He didn't say anything again.
I just held him as he cried.
****
The funeral was a long one.
I was tired but I waited till the end for Richard.
He would have done same for me.
I wanted to pay my debt and then leave.
The service finally ended and we trooped out.
The coffin was carried to the church's burial ground just beside the church with music and dancing.
Richard was with his mother. He had four sisters. They were all crying and he was holding them all.
I counted myself too, that made us six on just his shoulder. Who would pet him? Who would give him a shoulder?
My phone began to ring.
It was Paul.
I picked it and told him not to wait up for me. I was going to be very late.
I put off my phone and joined the mourners.
The coffin was lowered to the ground and the pastor started his sermon.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust"
Everyone were crying.
"Vanity upon vanity. What does man take with him to the grave? He has a wife, he has children, he has properties, he has friends, he strived to get all he wanted but how many will follow him into the grave today?"
I didn't know when tears dropped out of my eyes.
"Vanity! But only a man who has Christ has nothing to fear because he has an hope. He is going to a better place..."
People started to nod and smile.
I didn't really understand but I was glad I was not dead and I wanted to leave the sad environment.
When it ended, I was really glad.
We went to Richard's house after.
Food was shared and music.
Richard was up and about serving and talking to their guests.
"He is a really great guy"
I turned around at the voice and saw one of Richard's sisters.
I couldn't believe she could talk to me. I had been conscious since when Richard introduced me to them and they were looking at my very short gown. It was a burial but I was dressed to my taste.
"Yes... Ah, yes" I stammered.
I had been staring at Richard, probably she thought I was checking him out.
Yes, he was very handsome but he isn't my type at all.
I didn't like Christain guys, they were always uptight, boring and religious. They never had fun but criticised. I couldn't even imagine such a relationship. I laughed to myself.
"When we were young, all the girls used to come over to this house. My mum was always cooking and tired but she loved children she never sent them but they all loved him, they kept coming. Richard is so handsome" she laughed.
I laughed too but I didn't reply. I just nodded.
"I can see why you love him" she smiled.
I almost choked on my breath.
Love? Phew... Really? Did they think I was his girlfriend?
I laughed.
"Arr... I am not..."
"Hey girls" Richard interrupted.
"Hey" we both replied. I was glad I was rescued. It would have been so akward.
Richard drove me home that night and I was glad I had been there for him.
"Goodnight" I said and got out of the car.
"Gloria" he called as I was walking in
I turned.
"I... I... Thanks for today... I really appreciate it" he said.
I nodded "You are welcome" I smiled.
He nodded
"And... Arrh... I am the worst person ever to you..." He said.
I laughed "Yes you are"
"Yes I am" he laughed.
"But I want to be with you. I don't want you to run away from me...I really need a friend now"
I really felt like crying.
I held myself.
"You are worst you know that" I laughed in tears.
"Yeah I am" he replied.
"Goodnight. See you tomorrow. You are taking me for pizza, bye" I said all in rush and turned to run in.
He couldn't stop laughing after me.
I still heard his voice and I waited behind the door until his car was away... Far away....
EPISODE FOURTEEN
Paul really liked me and I liked him too.
But... Nothing is ever perfect.
He started seeing my imperfections.
He was a very neat person and I became like a mess to his life.
I am naturally untidy, clumsy and lazy.
He didn't like it and we always fought.
He tried to live with it but he couldn't.
He always liked me to follow him to parties too and he had a group of wierld friends. Their discussion was way different from Dare's friends. They were very intelligent people and their discussions were intelligent.
Paul liked me to contribute too and make him proud, say intelligent things but I never could.
Many times, I tried but ended up saying stupid things and making everyone cautious of me.
I always left there embarrassed and Paul wasn't liking it.
Dare hadn't complained about these characters because he was also an untidy person but his own area of complaints were different.
Dare wasn't yet finished with me though.
He started running after me again.
I still had feelings for him but I could never go back to him when I remember the past but I wanted to hurt Cassidy. I wanted to take my revenge.
I kept playing Dare.
He was always apologising to me, telling me how much he still loves me.
I was enjoying the attention and frustration on Cassidy's part.
I told Richard everything after each scenes.
I knew he didn't like it but he would listen to me anyways.
I enjoyed talking to him.
I could say whatever I liked before him. I could talk without measuring my words and I felt comfortable.
He was a free person with vast knowledge and we do have great times.
Richard is one person who could bring out something funny from something very stupid.
Many times when I say stupid things, he does not laugh at me or criticise me but make it so funny that I started being free with my stupid words since I was comfortable around him and we would talk for long.
"You are a pretty couple"
We both look up to see a man with a camera on his neck. We had been talking and laughing and didn't know he had been watching us.
"Oh... Arr..." I stammered.
Richard wasn't saying anything he was just smiling.
Actually, we are not a couple" I said and tried to laugh.
The man looked surprised but laughed too.
"Wow, I am sorry... I didn't know but can I take a picture?" He asked.
I think he was a photographer.
Probably we were an inspiration.
"No problem" Richard spoke up after I turned mute.
He held me and we smiled at the camera as the man took shots, thanked us and left.
Richard was indifferent but I wasn't settled. I didn't know why.
"I need to leave now" he stared at his wrist watch and started packing his things.
I felt sad. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't understand why but I didn't stop him.
"Okay" I muttered and started packing too.
"But I want to show you something tomorrow" he said.
I was suddenly excited.
"Really? What's that?"
He looked surprised.
"Errr" he laughed.
"Let's make it a surprise" he said.
****
I failed again.
I was with Paul's friends and we were talking.
I wanted to try to please Paul.
I wanted to get better.
I had practiced interesting things I was going to say.
That particular set of his friends were business men.
I was glad they started liking me.
It was going fine.
"What level are you now?" One of his friends asked me
"400" I replied confidently.
He was proud.
"Wow! So what plans do you have?" He asked.
I didn't know what to say but I tried.
"When I am done with school, I should be able to get a job" I smiled.
He frowned to my surprise.
"Should be able?" He asked.
"Why? What are your plans now? You don't have anything doing now? Your set goals..."
I knew I was in trouble.
Paul was so angry that he didn't say a word till we got to his house.
"Paul" I called him as he walked around the house. I knew he was angry.
"Paul please listen to me..."
"Get your hands off me!" He shouted.
I was shocked.
"Why are you never perfect! Why do you keep disgracing me!" He shouted.
He was furious.
"I should have seen this before. You have no plans! You even live here with me! I feed you! I clothes you! What are you doing for yourself!"
I was speechless.
He was right but it wasn't like I had no plans for myself. I had great plans but I was working on it.
"I... I am working..."
He didn't let me finish.
"Till when! For how many years!" He retorted.
I couldn't say another word.
"You know what? I want you to find somewhere else to say, let's start from there! Probably your senses will work right!"
He walked out.
I couldn't believe it
He asked me to leave.
I knew he was serious.
I felt ashamed of myself
I didn't have anywhere to go.
But as usual, I ran to the only person I had.
I didn't want to show it but I couldn't help it. It was only before him I could be myself and break down without fearing rejection.
I cried all I wanted and he held me.
"I am sorry" I said after my tears subsided.
"Sorry for what?" He asked.
"I shouldn't bother you" I said but I didn't let go of him and he didn't either.
"Okay, maybe I should leave then.." he moved away.
I hit his chest and laughed.
"Stop it"
He also laughed.
We went on looking at each other.
"Have you forgotten I wanted to show you something?" He broke the silence.
I had been excited but completely forgot.
"Wow, I forgot. What's that?" I asked excitedly.
"I just wanted to tell you something, out here, in this environment, this moment under these stars" he smiled.
I looked up at the stars.
I was waiting.
"God is real" he said.
I looked at him. I couldn't believe that was what he wanted to show me.
I had come to the fact that he was a Christian but I didn't want to have anything to do with that.
I looked away.
"Gloria" he called me back.
"I just want to walk with you but I can't keep you in the shadows" he looked serious.
I didn't understand what he meant.
"I can't keep pretending to you, keeping you away from the truth" he said.
"Whether humans like it or not, God owns you. You are not your own. You are his..."
"Enough" I stopped him. I wasn't comfortable with his words. I knew God was true but...it was complicated. I didn't want to be indebt to a God forever, trying to live a particular way.
I turned away but Richard held me back.
"Don't run away from me!" He scolded me and I bursted into laughter.
"How about we get iced cream!" He asked and I couldn't believe he could get me that easily.
I started smiling again.
"Okay"
****
I moved into Richard's friend's house again.
I am not really sure she was glad to have me again because I have never been nice to her.
Paul apologized to settle our fight but he didn't let me come back to his house.
I was only allowed in his house whenever he wanted sex and no other time.
So I was stuck with living on pity.
I got a call from Richard and he asked to meet him outside the library.
After class, I headed for the library but I didn't find him outside. I waited a little while but he didn't show up so I went in to check, probably he was inside. It was getting late.
As I entered the library, I didn't expect it.
"Happy birthday!!!"
The scream was so loud.
Applauds followed.
I couldn't believe it. I didn't even remember it was my birthday. I couldn't move, I didn't know what to do.
Everyone in the library were wishing me. I kept hugging and thanking them.
A boy walked up to me and gave me a paper. He was really smiling.
"Richard asked me to give you!" He told me and walked away
I couldn't laugh or do anything.
I was just awed.
I knew he had planned it. I didn't need anyone to tell me. He had set everyone up to wish me
I read his note and I ran out the door.
I took a bike and headed for the football field outside campus.
It was getting dark but I was so excited.
I couldn't cool it off.
I rushed down to the field as soon as I got there.
A match had just ended and so many guys were leaving.
I was looking for Richard. It was so difficult amongt the crowd of boys.
I kept going until I got to the field.
It was almost empty. It was dark already.
I couldn't see him anywhere.
I stood in dejection.
"Hey!" Someone pushed me from behind and I almost fell on my face.
I turned back in anger and well, it was no other person than Richard.
I couldn't help the laughter.
"Stupid you!"
I hit him and we laughed.
"Happy birthday!" He told me and I smiled at him.
"How old are you now? 50? Oh! Grandma!"
"Shut up!"
We laughed and hugged.
"Thank you so much Richard" I told him. I didn't even remember it was my own birthday.
He brought out a present.
I grabbed it excitedly.
"Cool down" he told me but I was too excited.
I opened it with expectation and smiled as I finished opening it and looked inside.
What?
Like, what?
I looked up and he was already laughing.
"Idiot!" I shouted and threw the box at him.
He ran away and I pursued him.
He had given me an empty box.
Can you imagine? Like who does that?
I wanted to catch him and punish him
He was too fast though but I was glad the street light was on so I didn't fall.
I stopped, out of breath.
"Are you tired already?" He laughed at me.
"I am nor doing again" I played puppy eyes.
He walked back with laughter but just as he got to me, I punched him and he fell back, bringing me down with him.
We both fell on the floor laughing out our breath.
I was drunk in joy. I hadn't felt happier.
We didn't get up.
We lied there, I had his arm as my pillow, that's how wicked I am.
We both stared at the stars with smiles.
"Did you like the gift I..."
I didn't let him finish. I pounced on him, remembering he had to be punished but he held my hands captive.
I couldn't do anything so we were just laughing as we struggled.
"Aren't you going to beat me?" He teased as I stared at him. He was there, right before me but I couldn't beat him.
"Yanyan Yan" I ate my teeth before his face.
He kept laughing.
"Continue, it makes you prettier though" he laughed.
I don't know how such a word held me in that second.
I stopped as I stared at him.
He just said I was pretty.
I wasn't flabouyantly dressed, I wasnt on make up, infact, I was on my natural short hair and regular clothes. How could he have called me pretty.
"I am pretty?" I asked him with disbelief.
He rolled his eyes.
"I wish you weren't!" He was being wicked but I loved him.
Did I just say I love him?
I really did. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't explain that moment but... I just loved him. Not that type of love because he isn't that type of person at all.
This person that he was. I just loved it.
I can't say how I kissed him.
I didn't plan it but I wanted to.
I caught him unawares but he didn't run away. He kissed me too.
He's just so strange. I told you.
I couldn't even believe he could kiss so well, like... being a Christian, I had thought christains were dumb fools and neitherither could I believe he also wanted to kiss me.
We kissed like that, relaxing into each other's arms until... He suddenly pulled away from me.
He stared at me in shock. I also stared at him in shock.
He put me away and jumped to his feet.
I also got up.
What's happening?
He looked embarrassed and very funny.
"Richard..." I moved closer to him
"No!" He stopped me, he moved backwards.
I was surprised. Probably he didn't like me
"I shouldn't have..."
"It wasn't you! It was me!" I quickly cut in.
It was such an akward moment.
He kept trying to talk but couldn't.
I held his hand and place it on my heart.
I wanted him to feel what was going on. I couldn't understand it either.
"I think... I love you Richard" I muttered.
His reaction surprised me.
He jerked his hand out of mine. He looked confused.
"I can't like you... I can't love you... I can't..." He looked pained.
He turned away, like he wanted to run away.
"Richard!" I called after him.
He stopped.
"You are all I have" I bursted into tears without even planning it because it was the truth.
He shook his head.
"I can't" they were his last words.
He ran away.
I sat on the grass and cried all on my own.
I couldn't believe he left me.
I didn't leave but sat there for hours crying.
The first man I truly loved but doesn't want me.
I remembered Cassidy's words.
Probably, I am not good enough, probably there's a reason he left me. I cried all the more.
"Hello" I heard a voice in the dark.
I jumped up in fear.
"Who's that!"
"Don't be afraid!" A guy walked towards me.
He stretched out his hand
"I am Caleb" he said and I shook him.
"Gloria right?" He asked.
I nodded suspiciously.
"Richard asked me to take you home" he told me.
And I sighed in relief.
I had never felt so relieved.
I realized he didn't leave me alone anyways.
EPISODE FIFTEEN
I had to end it.
I broke up with Paul.
He tried begging me and promising to be better but I knew I couldn't go on. There was something better for me.
I have never felt this way but I couldn't say why I felt uncomfortable with my life.
I couldn't keep Richard out of my mind. Not only the fact that I had feelings for him but how he made me feel different about myself.
I couldn't believe I was breaking up with a man I saw as the perfect man for someone like Richard. Don't get me wrong, Richard is handsome, far prettier than any boy I have dated, he is funnier, livelier, nicer, and all that but I also wanted other things.
Richard doesn't party.
He does drink, he doesn't take hard drugs, he is no fun in anyway I wanted.
Could I stay with him without ever experiencing these things again?
Aside that, he was also a Christian. He was tied to christains and you and I know i don't like christains. I never even imagined I would fall in love with a Christain, not even a strong one like Richard. If it's just his religion, I am cool but when he takes it personal, that's a different case.
But to my surprise, it was him I wanted.
I begged him.
I am not ashamed to do so because it was different. It wasn't the embarrassing type at all.
I knew he couldn't stand me begging him.
He was in tears.
I couldn't understand why he didn't want me.
"Am i not pretty enough? Is it my character? I know I am clumsy, I am not intelligent, i promise will be whatever you want... I .. I"
"Stop it" he looked angry.
He looked at me with pain.
"You arent perfect but who am I to tell you that? No one is perfect! Be you!" He held my shoulders.
He touched my face.
"You are the prettiest woman I ever knew... You are beautiful as you are... You are special... You are unique, that's what I like about you, just you! You aren't perfect but I am not loving you by that! I am not loving you because of some cheap characters! I love you! Just you" he rested his forehead on mine.
I couldn't believe it.
Did he just say he loved me?
I didn't plan the tears, it just kept flowing.
He closed his eyes and we stayed like that just in each other's arms.
There was nowhere else I wanted to be.
He held me like I would vanish.
I have never felt so loved.
I couldn't stop the tears.
"I have only one request"he muttered in my ear.
I nodded.
"Please, come just once and if you hate it, you can leave and never come back" he told me.
After months of begging me to follow him to church.
I didn't like it but I finally agreed.
"Okay" I replied
I would follow him but I promised myself that I was going to leave immediately. I just had to go and then I would leave.
***
"What then?" I rolled my eyes.
"You can't stand, you have to seat" he begged.
I was tired of the whole drama.
I hated churches.
Someone was going to see me as a sinner and curse me or say bad words to me.
We just got to the church but i wanted to leave already.
It was a Bible study.
Everyone were seated and there was a woman at the pulpit.
She was talking and I couldn't really understand her. I could hear but I didn't want to hear her.
I was unsettled. I wanted to run away.
"In few minutes" the woman at the pulpit stopped preaching.
"Let all eyes be closed and hold your neighbor as you pray in the spirit!"
All of a sudden the place blasted with strange languages.
I thought they were all playing.
Richard held my hand and he was also speaking the strange language.
I wanted to laugh but I realized it wasn't because of the language anymore. Something was seeping all through me like a warmth from Richard's hand.
I felt comfortable and at peace. I didn't know why.
They ended the strange language and everyone started celebrating and clapping.
I joined them without caring.
Richard was staring at me with surprise as I claspped too and cheered. It was beautiful but I couldn't understand it.
The woman at the altar, she suddenly became so beautiful. I don't understand it but I saw her before but this beauty was different.
She pointed at the crowd.
"You might be there and you think the world has forsaken you! The world is against you! You can't go on!" She went on and people were screaming, standing up.
But... They were christains, I thought I was the only one going through all these.
"You might be there thinking you've lost what's most valuable but I tell you! You haven't found the most valuable substance!"
Her words caught me. I couldn't believe her.
There was something more better than the life I lost?
"This one has no sorrow, has no betrayal, has no break down, I tell you!"
It was like she was talking to me.
Like she knew me. I got up and kept looking at her.
"Thats Jesus! The way, the truth, the life!"
Everyone were screaming with joy.
"I am not giving you a religion! I am giving you a friend! One who died so you can have life! He doesn't care about your past or whether you are clean or dirty, all he wants to do is give you a new life, to show you how to live again! A life of Joy, peace..."
I wanted to meet him already.
Who is he? I could feel his peace already.
This Jesus guy.
"If you want to give your life to him, I want you to step out now... Come to him and he will give you rest"
I didn't wait for anyone, I went out and stood before her.
Some other people joined me too.
I was looking at her but I wasn't focusing on her.
I was thinking about Jesus, I wanted him.
I can't say where the tears came from.
The choir started to sing and the preacher asked us to ask him to come into our lives. We believe he was the son of God and died to take away our sins and make us whole"
I cried and begged him to take my life and come to me.
I have never felt that kind of peace.
I was crying till the end of the service.
Richard hugged me.
"You waited till the end" he told me and we bursted into laughter.
I never knew I would find such an amazing friend.
Who do you think I am talking about?
****
It was different.
Different from the life I knew.
I was used to the life I was cultured into and it seemed like this part of life doesn't exist at all.
Have you ever felt so at peace with someone that, even when you do something wrong and he is supposed to lash out, he just calm down, not like he doesn't dislike it but he just tries to make you understand and you just laugh it off.
Richard loves me but I know it's not the type of love Dare or Paul had for me. They also loved me but it couldn't be compared to Richard's.
I became myself. I didn't need to pretend to be someone else. I bought clothes I wanted, I still make my wigs but not because I want to please anyone. I buy nice dresses I love and Richard bought me things he saw I liked or he knew I would like.
I dress up only to please myself and to look nice.
Richard didn't hesitate to compliment me when I dressed extravagantly and even when I looked my worse, he would still call me the most beautiful woman on earth.
He wasn't forcing me to be what he wanted. He knew I wasn't perfect but he loved me anyways.
Many times, we step on each other's toes but we try to understand ourselves and love our imperfections and those which were detrimental to our lives, we tried to help each other.
Richard helped me to stop drinking, smoking and all other habits. He never told me I was untidy but he taught me the essence of coordinating myself and no one had to force me, I loved how neat my room became and how positive submitting assignments on time were to my grades.
We got very busy with projects and Richard didn't really have time for me. I became scared he was loosing interest or probably he wanted sex since he never asked me. I knew God was against pre-marital sex but I remembered Cassidy's words. Men were sex machines and would do anything to get it. My fears returned.
I surprised him by visiting and as we talked and laughed, we kissed and I started taking off my clothes.
I can remember the shock on his face. He covered me up back. I begged him not to stop loving me, maybe I was not pretty enough. He shook his head in surprise.
"You are so perfect and beautiful, if I had my way I won't hesitate" he told me
"But... It's not all about sex...The right time would come, we don't need to jump into anything in the name of drives and emotions!" He was pained.
"When is the right time?" I echoed Dare's words.
"Marriage" he told me and I couldn't believe I was right. I had totally thought I was wrong because of what a set of people felt as on vouge.
"Why marriage?" I asked him.
"That's what God planned from beginning. Sex is a bond, so if you are going to be bonded to a man forever, it's better it's the man you are married to. Outside marriage is going outside God's will but in the confines of marriage shows we have been able to keep ourselves, committed to each other and at the right time in marriage, the essence of sex would be understood"
"Well... I... Have broken all that..." I broke down in tears. I told him about my wild life, abortions and all.
"You are a new creation, everything about you is new, embrace the new you! If God has forgotten your sins, why should you remember them?"
I had never heard any word better than that.
I have never felt happier, free, at peace, full of joy, unlimited joy.
Richard wasn't the partying type, drinking and smoking.
I thought that was all was to fun until i met Richard.
You haven't met someone as playful as Richard, I have fun, real fun.
I met new set of people. His friends became my friends. Now I could definitely a friend.
The likes of Caleb, Joy, Gideon, Racheal, Sandra, Henry, Funke, Love, Jessica, Delight... And lots more.
They were Intelligent, bold, beautiful, friendly, playful and a lot more. In this clique, there is no discrimination, there are no outcasts, we all love each other as Christ asked us to. We aren't all perfect but we have all the perfection we need in Christ. Our perfection wasn't based on others perspective but Christ's.
We all believe in the same thing.
We have so much fun.
We study the word, we chat, we play, we go on picnics, the beach, restaurants, movies. Happiness was free all around us. We could see the future and laugh in confidence.
Our full trust was in someone who knew the end from the beginning and who had us in his palm and his loving arms around us.
I love the man who died for me and I will spend my whole life living for him.
Now,
I have cool friends
I love the friends I hang out with.
My name is Gloria and I am so perfect.
THE END
I felt weak, all over my body.
I groaned in pain and opened my eyes.
I stared at nothing.
I wondered where I was.
"Good morning beauty" I heard a voice.
It was Dare.
My heart started beating fast.
I suddenly remembered everything.
I wasn't dead!
I had survived but what about my baby?
I quickly touched my stomach.
I bursted into painful tears.
I knew I had lost it.
"Why are you crying love?" I heard Dare.
I hated him.
I hated the very sound of his voice.
How could I stand him?
After what he did to me...
I frowned at him with pain.
"You poisioned me..." I muttered in disbelief as far tears poured out of my eyes.
I realized we were in his room.
I was lieing on his bed and he had made breakfast. He placed the tray beside me. Bread, tea and fried egg. I was repulsed at the sight of the food.
How could I trust anyone ever again?
He leaned closer to me and touched my face.
I wanted to hit his hand away but I was too tired to do anything. I just lied there staring at him with tears.
He smiled at me.
"I loved you, that's why I did what I did" he muttered.
I stared at him with disbelief.
"You killed your child" I told him in tears.
He sighed.
"I didn't want it" he shrugged.
I bursted into tears again.
How on Earth did I fall in love with such a person?
"I told you countless times that I didn't want a child... You made me do it..." He shrugged.
"You never loved me" I shook my head in pain.
"Love? Did you think I would take care of the child or marry you? Yes I loved you!" He laughed.
He got up.
"But you broke my trust! You lied to me!" He shouted me.
He walked away from me with anger on his face.
"I want you out of here before night falls..." His back was turned to me.
I couldn't believe I was hearing him well.
I couldn't even move.
I didn't know what to say.
I just couldn't believe it.
"I don't love you anymore. I can't go on... I am done" he said and turned out without looking back.
I found myself laughing and crying all together.
Just like that?
I couldn't believe he just broke up with me.
Did he just break up with me?
Like, after these years, after all I have done for him, like...
I lied there, staring at nothing.
Nothing.
It was all meaningless.
Life was meaningless.
You live all your life for something and then it's suddenly gone.
I lied on my side and covered myself.
It was meaningless, everything... Right from the beginning.
I just wanted to rest
EPISODE TWELVE
I lost everything
I walked down the grass path leading to my class. It was sunny and cool. The birds were singing and I remembered a song from childhood.
I hummed as I walked, one step after the other.
One, two, three
I expected to hear the usual cat calls, the whistles, the friendly waves, the guys gaze on me but...
There was nothing.
I was... Alone.
All alone....
I entered my class and people started whispering.
I look down as I walked to a seat. I wore a hooded sweatshirt so no one could really see me.
I was the talk of the school.
No one wanted me anymore.
Everyone hated me.
I became the girl no one wanted to be like, I was once the girl others wanted to be like. Many girls used to want to be close to me.
They would tell me they wanted to be like me.
I recognize one of them. She looks away from me, pretending not to see me.
I walked to her and sat beside her. She moved away after a quick Hi.
"Do you want to be like me now?" I asked her.
She looked away, pretending not to hear.
"Hey! Look here!" I dragged her face back.
"Do you want to be like me now!" I screamed at her. I got up and started screaming at her.
Her friends started screaming.
Some guys ran over and grabbed me. I tried to free myself but I couldn't.
I looked at the girl who was crying now.
"You wanted to be me before right! This is the end of me! You will surely end up like me!"
"Like me! This is the end of the food chain! It all ends here! Keep aspiring! This is the end!"
I kept screaming as they dragged me out and threw me out of the class.
I laughed all alone and opened my bag.
I brought out the alcohol and drank as I walked away, singing to myself.
I drank as much as I wanted, it was the end.
I think I can hear my name.
Maybe it's the angels calling me or the demons since I am a sinner.
I am dying. I started crying.
"Gloria!!!" It went on.
I fell.
It was the end.
I just want to rest.
I looked at the sky above me.
It was blue but turning black. I was going to die.
"Gloria!" It was so sharp.
I realised it wasn't the angels. It sounded humanly gorgeous but it was too late.
"Stay with me!" His voice was too late.
It finally went dark.
****
"You are awake?" He asked from the other side of the room. He was relaxed on a chair and staring at me with his chin on his palm.
I looked round. It was an hospital.
"I am dead" I didn't know when I said that but his laughter caught me.
He was laughing at me.
He got up and walked towards me with a smile.
He stared down at me.
I stared back at him.
I took in deep breaths. My saviour. He smiled at me. I couldn't believe he would be the one to save me.
"It was you" I muttered in disbelief.
He smiled like the strangest person in the world. And he's so strange because he stands alone. He's always on the opposite.
Everyone are away from me but he's here with me.
How could a man be so strange.
"Richard" he called his name and smiled.
I had forgotten his name though but it was glad to know.
He saved me.
"Thank you" I said and that was all he got.
I left the hospital without paying or whatever. I didn't have money though and I didn't even have a place to stay. I wasn't with Cassidy anymore.
I couldn't stop crying.
Though they hurt me, nevertheless, I missed them all.
I hated them but I loved those times we had.
I missed the partying.
I was dying to have fun.
Drink, smoke, dance.
"Where do you stay?" He asked.
I didn't answer him. I was busy enjoying my fantasies.
Probably he knew with the size of my bag.
"You can stay with a friend of mine... For now" he said
I acted proud.
I walked away "Don't bother" I told him.
He followed me.
"Please... I would feel better" he told me.
I looked at him and I was glad he begged me.
"Okay" I said.
EPISODE THIRTEEN
I had a tough time re-adjusting.
With time, everyone forgot about me.
I stopped existing.
It was easy because I became unknown. Very different from who I was.
I became myself.
I don't know what that means but it was terrible.
No friends, no fame, no attention, no fun.
I didn't have money to go to big bars or wear nice clothes or buy drugs.
I just sticked to alcohol and that's when there's a general party.
I lost everything but I had only one thing which I didn't even want.
Richard.
He never left my side and he kept trying to sell me this life which he makes so great.
I hate christains. They act like they are perfect and so boring. You have to keep living a particular way and serving something all your life. You couldn't do anything against his will.
I didn't want that type of life or whatever.
It was no fun, just sadness.
Though, Richard was so kind to me but I wanted him to leave.
"Just this once" he started again.
I was angry but the only thing which held me back was his kindness to me.
"I told you already" I told him.
I liked him but he always pissed me off.
I didn't want to be involved in any religious thing to put me in bondage.
He didn't repeat it and I walked away.
****
I couldn't sit still.
I wanted revenge.
I still see Cassidy, in her flashy clothes, her car, and with my ex-boy friend.
I hated her with all my heart.
I didn't want her to go Scot free.
I expected to see her face to face and I was glad I finally got the opportunity.
She was passing in front of my class and we bumped into each other.
She eyed me with disgust.
I couldn't believe it. This was my one time best friend.
She looked at me from head to toe.
"What a disgrace" she hissed and walked out.
But sorry, I didn't let her leave.
I dragged her back. She almost fell on the grass.
I wished to beat her or better still kill her but I didn't want it to be so fast.
I wasn't yet done.
"You! You are coming down! Right where you put me! Bitch!" I told her and threw her down to emphasize my words.
Her friends ran over to help her while I walked away. All eyes were on me once again and I don't know why. I loved it. I was enjoying it.
I was smiling as I walked away.
Richard came over to my new house where I lived with his friend. As I saw him, i flew at him.
I was happy to tell him but as usual. He was being strange.
I hissed and moved away from him.
"You have to forget about them Gloria. Move on with your life" he told me.
I didn't want to overlook what they did to me. I wanted to take revenge and in the best way possible.
I knew my plans already.
I didn't wait at all.
I started taking steps.
I was going to do it all alone.
I took on my old self but to do that, I needed money and to get money, I needed a man.
I dressed up in my old clothes, the ones I still had. I wore my wig, I made myself up and I got my location.
And I started fishing for my prey.
Trust me, I got him.
He wasn't so handsome but he was rich and had the swags.
I followed him to the bar. I didn't need to do anything, I just stayed beside him as I ordered my drink.
"Hi pretty"
I turned to him and smiled.
"Hello" I said
And like that, I got what I wanted.
He was a nice man and he took care of me.
I was on top again.
I had the friends again, the looks, the cheers.
And I loved the look on Cassidy's face.
I was enjoying myself.
As usual, Richard came in the picture.
"Can you just be... Happy for me?" I asked him.
I was tired of his criticisms.
He looked at me
"I don't want to sound evil but I won't stop telling you the right thing either" he replied.
I rolled my eyes.
"Why don't you leave me then? Just... Leave me alone!" I shouted in annoyance.
I didn't expect him to leave but to my surprise, he turned and walked away.
I stood there, watching him leave. I didn't know if I should call him back but I was glad there was no one to trouble me anymore.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Paul was a nice guy and I started liking him for real. He was different from Dare.
He took me out, spent on me and showered me love.
I was happy I had found the real thing.
I was back to my old life.
We party, drink, smoke and men being men, I had to satisfy Paul in other ways too.
I was enjoying myself but surprisingly, I felt guilty.
Richard.
He had been there for me when I needed him and I just pushed him away like that.
I didn't like the way he criticised all I did but I kept feeling drawn to him.
Even though I tried to push it out of my mind, I still felt indebted to him.
I had to pay him back so I could be free.
I started looking for him.
I found him in the library and I went over to him.
"Hello?" I called.
He looked up and when he saw me, he looked surprised.
He looked away from me and continued writing.
I sat down.
He didn't say a word to me. I didn't know what to say either but I knew I had to apologise to him.
"I am so sorry" I muttered
He didn't answer me.
"I... you've always been good to me, even though I don't know why..."
He still didn't look at me. He kept writing whatever.
"I don't know why I am here... I still don't want you poke nosing into my life but..."
"I want you to forgive me" I begged him.
"Please" I added.
He stopped writing and looked at me.
"I've never been angry at you. You owe me no apologies" he told me.
I didn't know what to say after that.
"We are good" he added and turned away.
"Oh... Yes, thanks" I replied akwardly.
He didn't talk to me again.
I didn't know what to say after that or do.
"Okay" I got up.
I didn't feel like leaving but there was nothing to do again.
"Okay, bye" I said and turned.
"Gloria" he called.
I turned. I was glad he called me back.
He sighed and dropped his pen.
"My Dad died" he said.
I didn't know what to say. I felt so sad for him. He didn't look sad but I knew he was.
"I shouldn't bother you but..." He was saying but I cut him off by hugging him.
He was there for me. The only thing I could do was to be there for him too. Even if it was just this once...
Maybe I could pay him back this way...
He didn't say anything again.
I just held him as he cried.
****
The funeral was a long one.
I was tired but I waited till the end for Richard.
He would have done same for me.
I wanted to pay my debt and then leave.
The service finally ended and we trooped out.
The coffin was carried to the church's burial ground just beside the church with music and dancing.
Richard was with his mother. He had four sisters. They were all crying and he was holding them all.
I counted myself too, that made us six on just his shoulder. Who would pet him? Who would give him a shoulder?
My phone began to ring.
It was Paul.
I picked it and told him not to wait up for me. I was going to be very late.
I put off my phone and joined the mourners.
The coffin was lowered to the ground and the pastor started his sermon.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust"
Everyone were crying.
"Vanity upon vanity. What does man take with him to the grave? He has a wife, he has children, he has properties, he has friends, he strived to get all he wanted but how many will follow him into the grave today?"
I didn't know when tears dropped out of my eyes.
"Vanity! But only a man who has Christ has nothing to fear because he has an hope. He is going to a better place..."
People started to nod and smile.
I didn't really understand but I was glad I was not dead and I wanted to leave the sad environment.
When it ended, I was really glad.
We went to Richard's house after.
Food was shared and music.
Richard was up and about serving and talking to their guests.
"He is a really great guy"
I turned around at the voice and saw one of Richard's sisters.
I couldn't believe she could talk to me. I had been conscious since when Richard introduced me to them and they were looking at my very short gown. It was a burial but I was dressed to my taste.
"Yes... Ah, yes" I stammered.
I had been staring at Richard, probably she thought I was checking him out.
Yes, he was very handsome but he isn't my type at all.
I didn't like Christain guys, they were always uptight, boring and religious. They never had fun but criticised. I couldn't even imagine such a relationship. I laughed to myself.
"When we were young, all the girls used to come over to this house. My mum was always cooking and tired but she loved children she never sent them but they all loved him, they kept coming. Richard is so handsome" she laughed.
I laughed too but I didn't reply. I just nodded.
"I can see why you love him" she smiled.
I almost choked on my breath.
Love? Phew... Really? Did they think I was his girlfriend?
I laughed.
"Arr... I am not..."
"Hey girls" Richard interrupted.
"Hey" we both replied. I was glad I was rescued. It would have been so akward.
Richard drove me home that night and I was glad I had been there for him.
"Goodnight" I said and got out of the car.
"Gloria" he called as I was walking in
I turned.
"I... I... Thanks for today... I really appreciate it" he said.
I nodded "You are welcome" I smiled.
He nodded
"And... Arrh... I am the worst person ever to you..." He said.
I laughed "Yes you are"
"Yes I am" he laughed.
"But I want to be with you. I don't want you to run away from me...I really need a friend now"
I really felt like crying.
I held myself.
"You are worst you know that" I laughed in tears.
"Yeah I am" he replied.
"Goodnight. See you tomorrow. You are taking me for pizza, bye" I said all in rush and turned to run in.
He couldn't stop laughing after me.
I still heard his voice and I waited behind the door until his car was away... Far away....
EPISODE FOURTEEN
Paul really liked me and I liked him too.
But... Nothing is ever perfect.
He started seeing my imperfections.
He was a very neat person and I became like a mess to his life.
I am naturally untidy, clumsy and lazy.
He didn't like it and we always fought.
He tried to live with it but he couldn't.
He always liked me to follow him to parties too and he had a group of wierld friends. Their discussion was way different from Dare's friends. They were very intelligent people and their discussions were intelligent.
Paul liked me to contribute too and make him proud, say intelligent things but I never could.
Many times, I tried but ended up saying stupid things and making everyone cautious of me.
I always left there embarrassed and Paul wasn't liking it.
Dare hadn't complained about these characters because he was also an untidy person but his own area of complaints were different.
Dare wasn't yet finished with me though.
He started running after me again.
I still had feelings for him but I could never go back to him when I remember the past but I wanted to hurt Cassidy. I wanted to take my revenge.
I kept playing Dare.
He was always apologising to me, telling me how much he still loves me.
I was enjoying the attention and frustration on Cassidy's part.
I told Richard everything after each scenes.
I knew he didn't like it but he would listen to me anyways.
I enjoyed talking to him.
I could say whatever I liked before him. I could talk without measuring my words and I felt comfortable.
He was a free person with vast knowledge and we do have great times.
Richard is one person who could bring out something funny from something very stupid.
Many times when I say stupid things, he does not laugh at me or criticise me but make it so funny that I started being free with my stupid words since I was comfortable around him and we would talk for long.
"You are a pretty couple"
We both look up to see a man with a camera on his neck. We had been talking and laughing and didn't know he had been watching us.
"Oh... Arr..." I stammered.
Richard wasn't saying anything he was just smiling.
Actually, we are not a couple" I said and tried to laugh.
The man looked surprised but laughed too.
"Wow, I am sorry... I didn't know but can I take a picture?" He asked.
I think he was a photographer.
Probably we were an inspiration.
"No problem" Richard spoke up after I turned mute.
He held me and we smiled at the camera as the man took shots, thanked us and left.
Richard was indifferent but I wasn't settled. I didn't know why.
"I need to leave now" he stared at his wrist watch and started packing his things.
I felt sad. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't understand why but I didn't stop him.
"Okay" I muttered and started packing too.
"But I want to show you something tomorrow" he said.
I was suddenly excited.
"Really? What's that?"
He looked surprised.
"Errr" he laughed.
"Let's make it a surprise" he said.
****
I failed again.
I was with Paul's friends and we were talking.
I wanted to try to please Paul.
I wanted to get better.
I had practiced interesting things I was going to say.
That particular set of his friends were business men.
I was glad they started liking me.
It was going fine.
"What level are you now?" One of his friends asked me
"400" I replied confidently.
He was proud.
"Wow! So what plans do you have?" He asked.
I didn't know what to say but I tried.
"When I am done with school, I should be able to get a job" I smiled.
He frowned to my surprise.
"Should be able?" He asked.
"Why? What are your plans now? You don't have anything doing now? Your set goals..."
I knew I was in trouble.
Paul was so angry that he didn't say a word till we got to his house.
"Paul" I called him as he walked around the house. I knew he was angry.
"Paul please listen to me..."
"Get your hands off me!" He shouted.
I was shocked.
"Why are you never perfect! Why do you keep disgracing me!" He shouted.
He was furious.
"I should have seen this before. You have no plans! You even live here with me! I feed you! I clothes you! What are you doing for yourself!"
I was speechless.
He was right but it wasn't like I had no plans for myself. I had great plans but I was working on it.
"I... I am working..."
He didn't let me finish.
"Till when! For how many years!" He retorted.
I couldn't say another word.
"You know what? I want you to find somewhere else to say, let's start from there! Probably your senses will work right!"
He walked out.
I couldn't believe it
He asked me to leave.
I knew he was serious.
I felt ashamed of myself
I didn't have anywhere to go.
But as usual, I ran to the only person I had.
I didn't want to show it but I couldn't help it. It was only before him I could be myself and break down without fearing rejection.
I cried all I wanted and he held me.
"I am sorry" I said after my tears subsided.
"Sorry for what?" He asked.
"I shouldn't bother you" I said but I didn't let go of him and he didn't either.
"Okay, maybe I should leave then.." he moved away.
I hit his chest and laughed.
"Stop it"
He also laughed.
We went on looking at each other.
"Have you forgotten I wanted to show you something?" He broke the silence.
I had been excited but completely forgot.
"Wow, I forgot. What's that?" I asked excitedly.
"I just wanted to tell you something, out here, in this environment, this moment under these stars" he smiled.
I looked up at the stars.
I was waiting.
"God is real" he said.
I looked at him. I couldn't believe that was what he wanted to show me.
I had come to the fact that he was a Christian but I didn't want to have anything to do with that.
I looked away.
"Gloria" he called me back.
"I just want to walk with you but I can't keep you in the shadows" he looked serious.
I didn't understand what he meant.
"I can't keep pretending to you, keeping you away from the truth" he said.
"Whether humans like it or not, God owns you. You are not your own. You are his..."
"Enough" I stopped him. I wasn't comfortable with his words. I knew God was true but...it was complicated. I didn't want to be indebt to a God forever, trying to live a particular way.
I turned away but Richard held me back.
"Don't run away from me!" He scolded me and I bursted into laughter.
"How about we get iced cream!" He asked and I couldn't believe he could get me that easily.
I started smiling again.
"Okay"
****
I moved into Richard's friend's house again.
I am not really sure she was glad to have me again because I have never been nice to her.
Paul apologized to settle our fight but he didn't let me come back to his house.
I was only allowed in his house whenever he wanted sex and no other time.
So I was stuck with living on pity.
I got a call from Richard and he asked to meet him outside the library.
After class, I headed for the library but I didn't find him outside. I waited a little while but he didn't show up so I went in to check, probably he was inside. It was getting late.
As I entered the library, I didn't expect it.
"Happy birthday!!!"
The scream was so loud.
Applauds followed.
I couldn't believe it. I didn't even remember it was my birthday. I couldn't move, I didn't know what to do.
Everyone in the library were wishing me. I kept hugging and thanking them.
A boy walked up to me and gave me a paper. He was really smiling.
"Richard asked me to give you!" He told me and walked away
I couldn't laugh or do anything.
I was just awed.
I knew he had planned it. I didn't need anyone to tell me. He had set everyone up to wish me
I read his note and I ran out the door.
I took a bike and headed for the football field outside campus.
It was getting dark but I was so excited.
I couldn't cool it off.
I rushed down to the field as soon as I got there.
A match had just ended and so many guys were leaving.
I was looking for Richard. It was so difficult amongt the crowd of boys.
I kept going until I got to the field.
It was almost empty. It was dark already.
I couldn't see him anywhere.
I stood in dejection.
"Hey!" Someone pushed me from behind and I almost fell on my face.
I turned back in anger and well, it was no other person than Richard.
I couldn't help the laughter.
"Stupid you!"
I hit him and we laughed.
"Happy birthday!" He told me and I smiled at him.
"How old are you now? 50? Oh! Grandma!"
"Shut up!"
We laughed and hugged.
"Thank you so much Richard" I told him. I didn't even remember it was my own birthday.
He brought out a present.
I grabbed it excitedly.
"Cool down" he told me but I was too excited.
I opened it with expectation and smiled as I finished opening it and looked inside.
What?
Like, what?
I looked up and he was already laughing.
"Idiot!" I shouted and threw the box at him.
He ran away and I pursued him.
He had given me an empty box.
Can you imagine? Like who does that?
I wanted to catch him and punish him
He was too fast though but I was glad the street light was on so I didn't fall.
I stopped, out of breath.
"Are you tired already?" He laughed at me.
"I am nor doing again" I played puppy eyes.
He walked back with laughter but just as he got to me, I punched him and he fell back, bringing me down with him.
We both fell on the floor laughing out our breath.
I was drunk in joy. I hadn't felt happier.
We didn't get up.
We lied there, I had his arm as my pillow, that's how wicked I am.
We both stared at the stars with smiles.
"Did you like the gift I..."
I didn't let him finish. I pounced on him, remembering he had to be punished but he held my hands captive.
I couldn't do anything so we were just laughing as we struggled.
"Aren't you going to beat me?" He teased as I stared at him. He was there, right before me but I couldn't beat him.
"Yanyan Yan" I ate my teeth before his face.
He kept laughing.
"Continue, it makes you prettier though" he laughed.
I don't know how such a word held me in that second.
I stopped as I stared at him.
He just said I was pretty.
I wasn't flabouyantly dressed, I wasnt on make up, infact, I was on my natural short hair and regular clothes. How could he have called me pretty.
"I am pretty?" I asked him with disbelief.
He rolled his eyes.
"I wish you weren't!" He was being wicked but I loved him.
Did I just say I love him?
I really did. I couldn't explain it. I couldn't explain that moment but... I just loved him. Not that type of love because he isn't that type of person at all.
This person that he was. I just loved it.
I can't say how I kissed him.
I didn't plan it but I wanted to.
I caught him unawares but he didn't run away. He kissed me too.
He's just so strange. I told you.
I couldn't even believe he could kiss so well, like... being a Christian, I had thought christains were dumb fools and neitherither could I believe he also wanted to kiss me.
We kissed like that, relaxing into each other's arms until... He suddenly pulled away from me.
He stared at me in shock. I also stared at him in shock.
He put me away and jumped to his feet.
I also got up.
What's happening?
He looked embarrassed and very funny.
"Richard..." I moved closer to him
"No!" He stopped me, he moved backwards.
I was surprised. Probably he didn't like me
"I shouldn't have..."
"It wasn't you! It was me!" I quickly cut in.
It was such an akward moment.
He kept trying to talk but couldn't.
I held his hand and place it on my heart.
I wanted him to feel what was going on. I couldn't understand it either.
"I think... I love you Richard" I muttered.
His reaction surprised me.
He jerked his hand out of mine. He looked confused.
"I can't like you... I can't love you... I can't..." He looked pained.
He turned away, like he wanted to run away.
"Richard!" I called after him.
He stopped.
"You are all I have" I bursted into tears without even planning it because it was the truth.
He shook his head.
"I can't" they were his last words.
He ran away.
I sat on the grass and cried all on my own.
I couldn't believe he left me.
I didn't leave but sat there for hours crying.
The first man I truly loved but doesn't want me.
I remembered Cassidy's words.
Probably, I am not good enough, probably there's a reason he left me. I cried all the more.
"Hello" I heard a voice in the dark.
I jumped up in fear.
"Who's that!"
"Don't be afraid!" A guy walked towards me.
He stretched out his hand
"I am Caleb" he said and I shook him.
"Gloria right?" He asked.
I nodded suspiciously.
"Richard asked me to take you home" he told me.
And I sighed in relief.
I had never felt so relieved.
I realized he didn't leave me alone anyways.
EPISODE FIFTEEN
I had to end it.
I broke up with Paul.
He tried begging me and promising to be better but I knew I couldn't go on. There was something better for me.
I have never felt this way but I couldn't say why I felt uncomfortable with my life.
I couldn't keep Richard out of my mind. Not only the fact that I had feelings for him but how he made me feel different about myself.
I couldn't believe I was breaking up with a man I saw as the perfect man for someone like Richard. Don't get me wrong, Richard is handsome, far prettier than any boy I have dated, he is funnier, livelier, nicer, and all that but I also wanted other things.
Richard doesn't party.
He does drink, he doesn't take hard drugs, he is no fun in anyway I wanted.
Could I stay with him without ever experiencing these things again?
Aside that, he was also a Christian. He was tied to christains and you and I know i don't like christains. I never even imagined I would fall in love with a Christain, not even a strong one like Richard. If it's just his religion, I am cool but when he takes it personal, that's a different case.
But to my surprise, it was him I wanted.
I begged him.
I am not ashamed to do so because it was different. It wasn't the embarrassing type at all.
I knew he couldn't stand me begging him.
He was in tears.
I couldn't understand why he didn't want me.
"Am i not pretty enough? Is it my character? I know I am clumsy, I am not intelligent, i promise will be whatever you want... I .. I"
"Stop it" he looked angry.
He looked at me with pain.
"You arent perfect but who am I to tell you that? No one is perfect! Be you!" He held my shoulders.
He touched my face.
"You are the prettiest woman I ever knew... You are beautiful as you are... You are special... You are unique, that's what I like about you, just you! You aren't perfect but I am not loving you by that! I am not loving you because of some cheap characters! I love you! Just you" he rested his forehead on mine.
I couldn't believe it.
Did he just say he loved me?
I didn't plan the tears, it just kept flowing.
He closed his eyes and we stayed like that just in each other's arms.
There was nowhere else I wanted to be.
He held me like I would vanish.
I have never felt so loved.
I couldn't stop the tears.
"I have only one request"he muttered in my ear.
I nodded.
"Please, come just once and if you hate it, you can leave and never come back" he told me.
After months of begging me to follow him to church.
I didn't like it but I finally agreed.
"Okay" I replied
I would follow him but I promised myself that I was going to leave immediately. I just had to go and then I would leave.
***
"What then?" I rolled my eyes.
"You can't stand, you have to seat" he begged.
I was tired of the whole drama.
I hated churches.
Someone was going to see me as a sinner and curse me or say bad words to me.
We just got to the church but i wanted to leave already.
It was a Bible study.
Everyone were seated and there was a woman at the pulpit.
She was talking and I couldn't really understand her. I could hear but I didn't want to hear her.
I was unsettled. I wanted to run away.
"In few minutes" the woman at the pulpit stopped preaching.
"Let all eyes be closed and hold your neighbor as you pray in the spirit!"
All of a sudden the place blasted with strange languages.
I thought they were all playing.
Richard held my hand and he was also speaking the strange language.
I wanted to laugh but I realized it wasn't because of the language anymore. Something was seeping all through me like a warmth from Richard's hand.
I felt comfortable and at peace. I didn't know why.
They ended the strange language and everyone started celebrating and clapping.
I joined them without caring.
Richard was staring at me with surprise as I claspped too and cheered. It was beautiful but I couldn't understand it.
The woman at the altar, she suddenly became so beautiful. I don't understand it but I saw her before but this beauty was different.
She pointed at the crowd.
"You might be there and you think the world has forsaken you! The world is against you! You can't go on!" She went on and people were screaming, standing up.
But... They were christains, I thought I was the only one going through all these.
"You might be there thinking you've lost what's most valuable but I tell you! You haven't found the most valuable substance!"
Her words caught me. I couldn't believe her.
There was something more better than the life I lost?
"This one has no sorrow, has no betrayal, has no break down, I tell you!"
It was like she was talking to me.
Like she knew me. I got up and kept looking at her.
"Thats Jesus! The way, the truth, the life!"
Everyone were screaming with joy.
"I am not giving you a religion! I am giving you a friend! One who died so you can have life! He doesn't care about your past or whether you are clean or dirty, all he wants to do is give you a new life, to show you how to live again! A life of Joy, peace..."
I wanted to meet him already.
Who is he? I could feel his peace already.
This Jesus guy.
"If you want to give your life to him, I want you to step out now... Come to him and he will give you rest"
I didn't wait for anyone, I went out and stood before her.
Some other people joined me too.
I was looking at her but I wasn't focusing on her.
I was thinking about Jesus, I wanted him.
I can't say where the tears came from.
The choir started to sing and the preacher asked us to ask him to come into our lives. We believe he was the son of God and died to take away our sins and make us whole"
I cried and begged him to take my life and come to me.
I have never felt that kind of peace.
I was crying till the end of the service.
Richard hugged me.
"You waited till the end" he told me and we bursted into laughter.
I never knew I would find such an amazing friend.
Who do you think I am talking about?
****
It was different.
Different from the life I knew.
I was used to the life I was cultured into and it seemed like this part of life doesn't exist at all.
Have you ever felt so at peace with someone that, even when you do something wrong and he is supposed to lash out, he just calm down, not like he doesn't dislike it but he just tries to make you understand and you just laugh it off.
Richard loves me but I know it's not the type of love Dare or Paul had for me. They also loved me but it couldn't be compared to Richard's.
I became myself. I didn't need to pretend to be someone else. I bought clothes I wanted, I still make my wigs but not because I want to please anyone. I buy nice dresses I love and Richard bought me things he saw I liked or he knew I would like.
I dress up only to please myself and to look nice.
Richard didn't hesitate to compliment me when I dressed extravagantly and even when I looked my worse, he would still call me the most beautiful woman on earth.
He wasn't forcing me to be what he wanted. He knew I wasn't perfect but he loved me anyways.
Many times, we step on each other's toes but we try to understand ourselves and love our imperfections and those which were detrimental to our lives, we tried to help each other.
Richard helped me to stop drinking, smoking and all other habits. He never told me I was untidy but he taught me the essence of coordinating myself and no one had to force me, I loved how neat my room became and how positive submitting assignments on time were to my grades.
We got very busy with projects and Richard didn't really have time for me. I became scared he was loosing interest or probably he wanted sex since he never asked me. I knew God was against pre-marital sex but I remembered Cassidy's words. Men were sex machines and would do anything to get it. My fears returned.
I surprised him by visiting and as we talked and laughed, we kissed and I started taking off my clothes.
I can remember the shock on his face. He covered me up back. I begged him not to stop loving me, maybe I was not pretty enough. He shook his head in surprise.
"You are so perfect and beautiful, if I had my way I won't hesitate" he told me
"But... It's not all about sex...The right time would come, we don't need to jump into anything in the name of drives and emotions!" He was pained.
"When is the right time?" I echoed Dare's words.
"Marriage" he told me and I couldn't believe I was right. I had totally thought I was wrong because of what a set of people felt as on vouge.
"Why marriage?" I asked him.
"That's what God planned from beginning. Sex is a bond, so if you are going to be bonded to a man forever, it's better it's the man you are married to. Outside marriage is going outside God's will but in the confines of marriage shows we have been able to keep ourselves, committed to each other and at the right time in marriage, the essence of sex would be understood"
"Well... I... Have broken all that..." I broke down in tears. I told him about my wild life, abortions and all.
"You are a new creation, everything about you is new, embrace the new you! If God has forgotten your sins, why should you remember them?"
I had never heard any word better than that.
I have never felt happier, free, at peace, full of joy, unlimited joy.
Richard wasn't the partying type, drinking and smoking.
I thought that was all was to fun until i met Richard.
You haven't met someone as playful as Richard, I have fun, real fun.
I met new set of people. His friends became my friends. Now I could definitely a friend.
The likes of Caleb, Joy, Gideon, Racheal, Sandra, Henry, Funke, Love, Jessica, Delight... And lots more.
They were Intelligent, bold, beautiful, friendly, playful and a lot more. In this clique, there is no discrimination, there are no outcasts, we all love each other as Christ asked us to. We aren't all perfect but we have all the perfection we need in Christ. Our perfection wasn't based on others perspective but Christ's.
We all believe in the same thing.
We have so much fun.
We study the word, we chat, we play, we go on picnics, the beach, restaurants, movies. Happiness was free all around us. We could see the future and laugh in confidence.
Our full trust was in someone who knew the end from the beginning and who had us in his palm and his loving arms around us.
I love the man who died for me and I will spend my whole life living for him.
Now,
I have cool friends
I love the friends I hang out with.
My name is Gloria and I am so perfect.
THE END
Comments